My Novel

[SirBaron]

Hey guys, reading around in this subforum gave me courage to submit a part of my novel called "The Dirge of Immortals".

It follows the events of a galaxy of Portals where the arts of magic and technology exists side by side, both being empowered by a cosmic, ethereal energy known as the Soul Flow.

The planet of Mekra is the only nation in existence to have successfully blended magic and technology, something that has given them total supremacy in the galaxy.

This, however, presents a problem for the main character, Alteir Fairfeather, as he is the only living being in existence who cannot use magic. The story follows his difficult yet rewarding childhood, his struggle against a world of magic who deems him useless, and his dream to overcome his flaw and earn respect amongst his fellows.

Constructive criticism is welcome.

[[teehee]

I didn't really like it. The clear Final Fantasy and game references/inspiration were a bit too obvious really. It's also a bit short for a novel.

[SirBaron]

As i suspected then. Thanks for the input.

EDIT: I forgot to mention, it's actually the prologue to the story, but i couldn't fit it all in a 100kb document without making interruptions in the story.

Also, if it's not too much hassle, might you explain the exact parts that remind you of FF?
I had my doubts about the Soul Flow thingy, and well, it seemed as if i was right. But hey, it's still a work in progress. xD

[Shadow Clone]

what made like ff in my opinion is a character u metion sounded a lot like sephiroth to me, an the fact that it had magic mixed with technology remindes me also of ffvii. tbh i quite like ur story so far it seems like ur setting it up for a big adventure.

[SirBaron]

Hehe thanks! I am not going to deny that FF has been an inspiration for me, but the whole magic+tech setting is mostly derived from an unhealthy perfectionism on my behalf. My early drafts looked a lot like Tolkien - and honestly - the whole Tolkien-thing has been done countless times before, so i try to stray away from it.

[TBG07]

Well, one thing is for sure... you have a good vocabulary. Let me put it this way.. the story has potential (IMO). But I advise you to cut down on the use of "I". Also, try to use subtext. Instead of having the main character tell the reader who he is and what he feels you should drop subtle hints that lead the reader to conclude/ assume such feelings.

[SirBaron]

Well, one thing is for sure... you have a good vocabulary. Let me put it this way.. the story has potential (IMO). But I advise you to cut down on the use of "I". Also, try to use subtext. Instead of having the main character tell the reader who he is and what he feels you should drop subtle hints that lead the reader to conclude/ assume such feelings.

Heh, thanks! :) Yeah, i am not very used to write in first-person. I changed back a couple of weeks ago because i felt i was giving away too much/not letting the reader make their own assumptions. It's a long way to go until it's perfect - after all, i'm just an amateur at the moment.

[TBG07]

Striving for perfection? You must realise then you'll never finish/ publish your story. You'll endlessly tweak, add and subtract. There is a moment when you should just be content with what you have made.

[SirBaron]

Striving for perfection? You must realise then you'll never finish/ publish your story. You'll endlessly tweak, add and subtract. There is a moment when you should just be content with what you have made.
Haha, true, very true indeed! But i'm still young, so i have time to waste at "perfecting" my work. :P

[TBG07]

But i'm still young, so i have time to waste at "perfecting" my work. :P

I think "finding your own style" describes it better. ^_^

[bradley]

I just recently tryed to come up with an idea but I can never put it in writing. I enjoyed it so far and I liked the magic and technology revolving around each other in this city but no where else thing.

[Élan]

I like the idea! It does sound FF-ish, but it caught my attention! I'm writing my own novel (or whatever you want to call it), too, and mine has been through countless revisions. I'm very much a perfectionist! Keep writing!!

[SirBaron]

I like the idea! It does sound FF-ish, but it caught my attention! I'm writing my own novel (or whatever you want to call it), too, and mine has been through countless revisions. I'm very much a perfectionist! Keep writing!!'

Hehe, thanks. Being a perfectionist has its aching backsides, but at least you won't go about and make another Eragon :P (no offense to Eragon-fans, the book is cool but not very original imho)

[TBG07]

'

Hehe, thanks. Being a perfectionist has its aching backsides, but at least you won't go about and make another Eragon :P (no offense to Eragon-fans, the book is cool but not very original imho)

What is original these days? Practically everything has been done to death in some way or another. :(

[SirBaron]

What is original these days? Practically everything has been done to death in some way or another. :(

Let me explain how i think about that. Let's take food as an metaphorical example:

Back in the days when people wore loincloths and bashed eachother over the face with wooden mallets, a simple mutton was enough to make folks swoon from tasting such delicacy.

Nowadays, those overpaid idiots at magazines and newspapers think they have the right to decide what's good. And stupidly enough, people think they are right.

Writing an original story is like making really good food - you have to mix the exact ingredients to make it the perfect, most tasty meal possible. That's unbelievably hard, and with external and internal criticism it makes it even harder. So, in a way, aspiring (perfectionist) writers are the same as star-chefs who try to please their customers.

It's really silly, and i try to stray away from it. Recently, i found my old reading material lying in my drawers, and after reading it through i realized it wasn't too bad. Perfectionism is a b*tch.

Also, Eragon was just silly. It was more or less a direct copy of the plot of Star Wars, remade as Fantasy. That's not just unoriginal, that was like, omg, plagiarismo? I still liked it, even though i cannot respect the book as i would respect the oh-so-great Tolkien.

[Élan]

Also, Eragon was just silly. It was more or less a direct copy of the plot of Star Wars, remade as Fantasy. That's not just unoriginal, that was like, omg, plagiarismo? I still liked it, even though i cannot respect the book as i would respect the oh-so-great Tolkien.

This is a random comment, but Eragon is REALLY similar to Lord of the Rings, don't you think? I mean, Aragorn and Eragon, Arwen and Arya...there're even more similarities if you keep looking. It was a good book, but not the most original...

[SirBaron]

This is a random comment, but Eragon is REALLY similar to Lord of the Rings, don't you think? I mean, Aragorn and Eragon, Arwen and Arya...there're even more similarities if you keep looking. It was a good book, but not the most original...

It's really similiar to Star Wars referring to how the plot is structured:

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=31871

Says quite a lot.

[TBG07]

Writing an original story is like making really good food - you have to mix the exact ingredients to make it the perfect, most tasty meal possible. That's unbelievably hard, and with external and internal criticism it makes it even harder. So, in a way, aspiring (perfectionist) writers are the same as star-chefs who try to please their customers.

Hmm, this is the first time I've ever heard someone compare writing to making food lol :). As for aspiring writers being star-chefs, trying to please their customers... I guess that's true nowadays. And in some way I find it sad. It's all economy and marketing...catering to the needs of your fanbase. Nowadays you have to SELL the story. That's the big factor the editors are always looking for. You may have written the most original piece of literature ever... but if they believe it won't sell then it's all over for you.