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Élan
Jun 07 2008, 04:45 AM
I've been suffering from mild writer's block lately, so I decided to try something new in hopes of getting my creativity back. This is simply the prologue of a new story I've been writing, and it's from a male perspective this time. I know it's a bit vague, but I meant it that way.

I've posted it here too, and I provide some explanation in the Artist's Comments for anyone who is interested.

http://dannecia.deviantart.com/art/Prologue-87794559


I ran my hand across the bottle and felt the heat trickle down my arms. The glass melted into a puddle in my palm before cooling into a long blade.
“Give it up already. You can’t change the future, so why bother?” he told me.
I stared into his cold, steely blue eyes and gave him a little smirk. His face mirrored mine, but it didn’t notice my fingers handling the blade in my hands.
I jabbed it into his chest, twisting it to prolong the pain. The viscous blood oozed out of the wound, slowly adhering to my skin. I soaked it up without fail.
“I’m sorry. Does that hurt?”
He managed to choke up some blood, but this blood wasn’t red. It had a watery consistency and was colored golden. It glistened in the sun.
He was a Drakonian.
I immediately backed off when I realized what I’d done. The promise had been broken. I had to run. I took off in the opposite direction.
Please be merciful. Please be kind, I hoped.
I didn’t want to be kicked out of Voltaire. My entire existence was here. How was I going to escape this?
Just change time, I answered myself.
I got on all fours and searched the floors. The darkness hindered my sight, so I had to go by touch. Then I found it.
The traveler. Deep and almost endless. The warmth it exuded soothed me to the core. Like a beautiful being, it stole my attention until I refocused.
I found a scalpel and firmly held it in my hand.
I can do this, I thought. It’s just a simple procedure.
I took deep breaths, trying to stop the shaking in my hand. Then, as gently as I could, I lifted my shirt up and dragged the scalpel across my skin. The incision was right under my heart. Deep enough to bleed, but not deep enough to die. My life decanted into my cupped hands, escaping me, its host, like a runaway convict. My thoughts were slowly fading away.
This is only temporary, I reminded myself.
With the little moral consciousness I had left, I poured my Animus into the traveler.
All I remember after that is a glow.
Start me over.

Gaia
Jul 23 2008, 01:54 AM
:blink: Wow...I love it! Its written really well and the sentences flow beautifully; and I can't see any grammar errors so far. But I have no idea what's going on, but that's okay because its a prologue right? Then I understand; but i'm not saying its perfect...i'm not sure I've read any story that is 100% perfect, even by the bestselling authors. There's always room for improvement, but already you seem to be off to a good start!
By the way you have very good description, I was able to visualize very well what the main character is doing...whoever he is.
Are you going to post the first chapter anytime soon? I'd love to read that one too ^_^

-Gaia

Élan
Jul 23 2008, 07:33 PM
:blink: Wow...I love it! Its written really well and the sentences flow beautifully; and I can't see any grammar errors so far. But I have no idea what's going on, but that's okay because its a prologue right? Then I understand; but i'm not saying its perfect...i'm not sure I've read any story that is 100% perfect, even by the bestselling authors. There's always room for improvement, but already you seem to off to a good start!
By the way you have very good description, I was able to visualize very well what the main character is doing...whoever he is.
Are you going to post the first chapter anytime soon? I'd love to read that one too ^_^

-Gaia

Thank you!! It was meant to be vague, but I'm still deciding whether or not I'm going to change it or not. The first chapter is far from being ready, so I'm not sure if I'll post it or not. I have to get through the other story first before I really start on this one. But it means a lot to me that you even read this, so thanks again!

VeraAlexander
Jul 23 2008, 07:38 PM
Great job i love it can't add anything more sorry but i think you got over your writers block

-Solid_Rain-
Jul 23 2008, 08:13 PM
like Gaia said, the description is awesome. I could visualize everything going on, glass trickling down the arm, hard to imagine, but your style described it very well.

Élan
Jul 23 2008, 09:14 PM
like Gaia said, the description is awesome. I could visualize everything going on, glass trickling down the arm, hard to imagine, but your style described it very well.

Thanks. It's such a weird power he has, so it's hard to describe. But I'm glad I was able to describe it enough for it to be somewhat perceivable.

Gaia
Jul 23 2008, 10:50 PM
Thank you!! It was meant to be vague, but I'm still deciding whether or not I'm going to change it or not. The first chapter is far from being ready, so I'm not sure if I'll post it or not. I have to get through the other story first before I really start on this one. But it means a lot to me that you even read this, so thanks again!

No problem! I love reading other people's stuff, well good luck on it and I hope that you don't get anymore writer's block! (I seriously hate it when I get those things:rolleyes:)